Thursday, January 12, 2006
look here, i'm gonna burst out exploding into little pieces for mice to feed on and i don't care. cause i'm already up to my neck with things to worry about. don't destroy your day by reading it, the only reason why i wrote it is cause this is my blog, and my ranting space. and this happens to be the unfortunate day i wanna rant.
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i know i promised to be sensible. but hello? in 2 days, the whole sky is falling on my head. my sun's gone. you know, jasmine reminded me about the chinese saying. the higher your hopes are, the harder you fall. but the english proverb says that if you try to reach for the sky, if you lose it, you'll land amongst the stars. but what if i want no fucking stars. i want the damned sun. and i didn't even get a shoutout.
prior to that, i tore my fucking ligament. AND NO I'M NOT TRYING TO FUCKING SEEK FOR YOUR ATTENTION. you hurt everyone else around you already. must you be so mean? the causes of all your quarrels with friends are just cause you're too sharp with your words. no i'm not saying i'm not sharp. but you're the one who's quarelling with everyone. and its breaking us up. all of us. what happened to "promising each other till the end" its all bullshit. and so what if you got in there. big deal, remembered how you turned her offer down rudely? and now you're afraid of leaving?
and i just got some shit from you. you may not know that i'm gonna burst out screaming my ass off, pulling out every strand of hair till i go bald. i won't know if you're feeling bad about things like me. but you shouldn't say hurtful things, especially if you say we're besties. its enough problems for me already.
someone save me from this fucking shit. i just feel like everything's going down. one after another. and the feeling is damned well estatic. even the one who usually cared for me is gone. i'm hating myself goddamnit.
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okay. i'm sorry. i had a hard 2 days. and i just can't lie to myself saying things are gonna be okay. i know they won't. thats because i tried. i tried so hard to believe. and the chance i once gave is now lost. and i won't ever get it back. i guess, not many can feel how much this shit is getting to me.
i'll sleep on it. i hope these bad things all shoo before dawn tomorrow. this is such a bullshit post. but i'm posting it anyway, cause i need her to know that i still love her, no matter what. our friendship's gonna stick right?
thanks mr advisor- "whats next? heart seizure?" lol.?
9:07 PM
